Let's Build a Fire

So this is the new year.

I feel very different.

I walk down the fire escape and through the back alley to the laundry room in Tudor Court's basement. Four washers and four dryers for the lot of us. I wait.

I eat a banana. I eat a cinnamon raisin english muffin with peanut butter. I drink a glass of water.

I write a short essay about being a "bread-winning woman." I put Bob Dylan on the turntable. I borrowed Bob from Adam, next door. Adam is such a nice guy.

Jake and Henrie come over and we smoke a bowl. Lauren drinks her PBR from a hand-knitted cozy that has a purse strap to hang around her neck. She is cute. She is fun. She is perfect.

We head out to Highlands. The fall evening is chilly. I think about my laundry and my short essay and Kara Walker.

Classes went swimmingly. Mostly art courses. My art history professor thinks lesbians are "just weird." Great. My English teacher has an overwhelming energy about him that I enjoy. Philosophy Through Movies should be simple and fun. I like that it uses the word 'Movies' rather than 'Film'. As if to say, "this is not film school. We will not give you the pleasure of sounding like you are taking some profound class when you are actually taking the easiest philosophy class offered for the required credit."

Mom watches reruns of Roseanne. They got a new puppy named Lucy who looks identical to our last dog, Snoopy. It is eerie. My mother talks about how she thinks Lucy is a reincarnation of Snoopy. That Snoopy sent Lucy. Damn Hippy.

Brittany called Tyler yesterday and scolded him for hanging out with me so much. I would like to be a closer friend to Tyler but those seem like dangerous waters. I don't want to give Brittany any real reasons to be upset with me. Her issues right now are spun from thin air. I like it that way. I wish she would embrace reality sometime, though. Reality can be a good friend.

Dinner with Nanoo this evening. I will dress nice.

Currently:

Reading Chekhov

Listening to Jesus Loves Me by CocoRosie

Waiting for the mail

Parades Go By

Started back at work this evening. Nothing has changed there. I still walk home smelling like bulgogi and humming bad Korean pop music to myself.

Classes begin tomorrow and I am on the fence. Part of me is anticipating this busy quarter ahead because the busier I am the more productive I become. Part of me is also sad to bid farewell to this lovely summer. Autumn is my favorite season, though, I find comfort in the suddenly crisp air, the vibrant apples and colors.

It has been a fantastic week reuniting with my friends. The best was Lauren finally moving in. We have decided against a couch. Minimalism is in, right? She's bringing in a big rectangular rug for the floor and we're purchasing a respectable pillow collection to throw around the long white coffee table. It'll be like the inside of a genie's lamp. A pillow palace.

I don't know what to do with boys lately. Each and every single boy in my life has been irking me in ways I've never known before. While my own gender is still a new, mysterious place I am in the process of discovering, the opposite sex will never cease to flabbergast me on a day to day basis. Here is a list of things not to do:

1. Do not pull the pity card. My pity will not make me like you more. In fact, it will make me feel the painstaking opposite. I will not like you. I will think you are pathetic.

2. Do not text me at 3 AM and expect a response with more than one word. I am sleeping, why aren't you?

3. Do not stalk me. I've always considered this a given but apparently some boys never got the memo. If I tell you I have work every night this week it means I am busy and do not have the time to worry about you. Let me get to the weekend and then we can discuss meeting up. This does NOT mean show up to my workplace every night and awkwardly wait for me to pay attention to you.

4. Do not buy me quirky gifts in hopes that this will miraculously make me see that we are clearly soulmates.

5. Do not act so impressed when I catch an obscure reference. 500 Days of Summer has fucked with your poor soul. There are many attractive girls who enjoy the Smiths. This is not a phenomenon. It does not make me perfect nor unique.

6. Do not make me feel bad for choosing a party or a girl's night over you. And then proceed to call me 3 times and text me 20 times throughout the night.

7. Don't call or text me drunk. I do not think it is funny or cute.

8. Listen to me when I speak. But don't pretend like you care when you don't. I don't expect you to care about every thing that comes out of my mouth. I am not interesting enough to talk for 3 hours a night. Not much happened today. And you are not interesting enough either. I don't care very much about what kind of bagel you had for breakfast. Don't rush to the complacent stage. And try to take a hint when I tell you I'm tired.

9. Stop apologizing.

10. Do not tell me you love me. Please, for all that is still good in the world, please do not say those words to me. I won't say them back.

There are more things I could suggest but I feel like it's getting heated in here.

Currently:

Re-reading Pretty Little Mistakes

Trying to register for one more course

Re-watching Home Movies on Youtube

Listening to Actor by St. Vincent

Everything You Own in a Box to the Left

Fun Times with the BFFF in Chicago:

Oh sheesh, what a week. And it is only humpday for pete's sake. Did anyone see that movie, btw? Very funny, great dialogue, but terrible ending.

After returning from Chicago I spent some time with my cousin, Andrea, and friend, Brittany. We watched and were appalled by the VMAs. It was nice catching up with Andrea. She's always so easy to talk to because my eccentricity doesn't surprise her anymore. Brittany, while she has come a long way from last year, is unbearably judgmental. I find myself leaving out many details when I explain things to her. It doesn't help that I completely disagree with her lifestyle as well. I see her settling and it turns my stomach. We are very different people that need to find a way to be supportive friends no matter what we choose to do with our lives. I mean, you know, unless we become addicted to cocaine or something.

the boy issue I was having previously has been solved. ish.

I ended up breaking it off completely. I realized I'm still not ready to be with anyone. I have a great deal left to explore. Plus, the school year is beginning and my schedule isn't going to allow me to pay much attention to anything other than school and work. He was heartbroken and continues to send me sullen texts but it's nothing I can't handle.

JR picked up his TV today. Before I met up with him I stood in front of the mirror, smiled, and said, "You look good." Then I said the very same thing to him after we hugged each other. I could tell from his texts he wanted it to be bittersweet. But I didn't allow it. I made him laugh and left us on a good note. That's all i want for him. I see him settling as well...in a miserable way. But I know that he is the type of person who will find happiness in nearly any situation thrown his way.

I did yoga in my empty living room last night.

I've been plugging my tub with a loofa during baths.

I haven't a single dollar in my bank account as I wait for the refund check to arrive.

Despite it all I haven't been this happy in a while. I said hello to everyone I passed on the sidewalk today.

Currently:

Sitting on two pillows in the center of the living room. Still no couch, just hardwood floors.

-Only place I get full internet service.

Listening to People on American Water by Silver Jews

Looking through newspaper Kroger coupons

They Build Buildings So Tall These Days

Currently:

In Chicago

Watching World's Strictest Parents

Listening to Regina Spektor

Eating Raspberry White Chocolate Truffle Haagen Daaz Ice Cream

Left on the megabus yesterday for Chicago. Kate and I caught up and she took me a great little breakfast/coffee place called Pick Me Up. It reminded me a lot of my summer job at Cuppa Joe. Can't say I miss the place too much but boy, oh, boy that food is fantastic. The cuppa coffee was great too, and being the coffee snob I am, that's saying a lot. I needed it after the bus ride because, unfortunately, I forgot my lunch and my earbuds. So, I sat there for 6 hours playing sudoku and getting hungrier every minute. Then the chicago skyway traffic was miserable and resulted in horrid motion sickness.

Had a girl's night at Emily's apartment with Kate's new Columbia friends, Heidi and Telly. They are the most adorable lesbian couple...you could just eat em. Heidi talked to me about some relationship issues I am having, and the other girls piped up too. Talking to them made me feel a ton better but they weren't necessarily telling me anything I didn't already know. This guy is great and I have much in common with him but I don't believe the spark is there. For me, anyway. The hard part is he already thinks I'm the one and tells me he loves me more than a few times a day. I may give it another month and just tell him how I feel.

As for the new apartment, aside from the ghetto shower, it's great. Still pretty empty but Lauren will be moving in soon. I talked to her about getting a pot belly pig. She was all for it which makes her that much cooler. I found an adorable little black pig named Bella on craigslist. Now all I have to do is get an ok from gaslight properties. I've wanted one for so long I can't believe it could actually be happening.

Regina Spektor concert tonight! I can't express my excitement over a blog so i won't try.

Your New [Full] Sized Bed

Back in Cincinnati!

Yesterday I spent most of my time hauling boxes of my junk up and down 4 flights of stairs. Needless to say my legs are killing me. Also spent a few hours in the dreaded IKEA. The family seemed dead set on getting me a bed from there. Aunt Joan had never been so we let her run wild. American consumerism never ceases to amaze me. Every pregnant woman from Cincinnati had to be there buying their child the same goddamned crib. Now, i have the same goddamned bed and mattress. It makes me a bit ill.

Opened up the mailbox and found the last tenant's TIME magazine. Jay Leno is on the cover. I prefer Letterman.

Nearly knocked my mother over when she arrived to pick me up.

It's lovely being home. Even though space is cramped here I love sleeping with all the old quilts and watching crime TV with mom. Monday I will go back downtown. Tuesday i will meet Mark, the current love interest whom I only know over phone and facebook. Funny how technology allows for relationships like that these days. I used to mock it but how is it any different from meeting someone in a bar? For some reason I feel as though bar-born relationships are abysmal. I also trust myself enough to meet publicly for that very small chance that he is a forty year old balding man from Kansas.

Currently:

Sitting on the patio in my plaid jammies, enjoying the Cincinnati warmth.

Listening to Bob Dylan, Together Through Life

Waiting for my glorious, highly anticipated trip to Skyline Chili.