So Long Old Bean

Yesterday when I arrived home Lauren was being visited by her friend Ethan. Now, Ethan is a great guy. He is laid back, mildly funny, and intelligent. However, Ethan is also studying to be the bastard who splices the fuck out of natural foods to ensure "the end to world hunger" and miracle-cure-super-foods for disease and hunger-ridden countries. This is more or less how he presented his major to me. he even used the word 'organic.' OH, brother...

It took a great deal of energy to NOT beat him down with an ear of corn. Lucky for him I have no corn and I used all my potatoes for pumpkin/potato carving the other night. (no money for pumpkins? use your resources! they were starting to sprout growths anyway...) How do you politely tell someone they are part of increased risk of cancer/food allergies, mass monopolization, and a destroyer of all that is naturally good? You don't, basically.

Ironically, I just wrote an informative essay about the dangers of biotechnology and genetically engineered foods for English.

He could tell I was upset so proceeded justify it. Which was pointless because there is no way I'll ever change my mind about this one. I listened anyway. He told me that he has nothing to do with companies like Monsanto. All he would do is create the super foods and distribute them. What the company does with them is none of his concern. Although, it should be! He is only part of the problem. Perhaps these foods could work. Perhaps. But only if the companies had required disclaimers of potential lethal food allergies, were prohibited from patenting them as if they are machines, would actually use the food to serve third world countries rather than burn it for American fuel, etc. etc.

Oh, how infuriating. 

Please, people, try to buy as organically as possible. Buy locally. Buy in season. Don't eat so much meat. Don't drink soda. Steer away from fast food chains. Recycle.

Currently:

reading The Corporation by Joel Bakan

eating a chicken salad panini and an apple

listening to Devendra Banhart

Smelling Cigarettes or Rub-Alcohol Blues

I'm a copycat too. I think I'll just type the random thoughts that come to mind within the next hour while I work on my Digital Foundations project.

Currently:

In Rohs Street cafe with a bottomless mug of black coffee.

Reading Maus I.

Hanging out with Brittany tonight, hopefully coaxing her into going to Jake's for a glass of wine with Lauren and Henry.

Listening to Roxy Music; Flesh + Blood.

Goddamn Illustrator! Forbidden tools for no apparent reason. Always guessing. I want a tangible canvas and a paintbrush.

I've encountered quite a few friendly workers today. At Panera I told the cashier my name is Bernadette (the name of the small nappy dog that the neighbor living below us squeals about 73 times a day) and he just smirked and went along with it. 

At Urban Outfitters the cashier was a skinny hipster boy in big glasses and flannel who discussed the unfortunate swift change in temperature. I hate weather talk but for some reason he made it pleasant. Possibly because of his statement, "I went outside for a smoke break and realized how nippy it is which tripped me out a bit."

Here, at the coffee shop (the best in Clifton next to Brutopia) the barista just started chatting with me about my homework and how tedious it is to make shapes on a computer screen.

"It's tedious to pay such close attention to coffee beans too. i suppose you just require a passion for whatever tedious work you're doing."

I think I have the best seat in the coffee shop. Right next to a couple large windows looking out on an old building and the beautiful autumn sky. The clouds are moving fast. The table I'm using is embellished with some snazzy cartooning about how even superheroes need coffee.

and, of course, the praying mantis has the most complicated shapes I could have chosen for a design project. I thought I'd face my fears! I hate those creepy alien bugs.

I think the book exchange coffee shops set up are very cool. Bring in an old book in exchange for one on the shelf. I like the idea of becoming the owner of a book that has traveled far. Or the idea of someone holding a book that was once mine and wondering where it will end up.

The tree outside our apartment has been completely annihilated. There are construction workers bulldozing the area and flattening out a mound of mud where the tree stood before. We turned in a majestic tree for a pile of wet dirt. The neighbors and I guess it'll become a parking lot around the building. These are the instances when I can't stand cities.

Things in fashion I loathe right now:

graphic tees. (just what's being done with them. Ironic Jay-Z shirts and "go green" shirts with cute pandas and polar bears and seals on them when the girl sporting it probably doesn't know what a recycling bin looks like are beginning to upset me.)

hoodies. (i will ALWAYS hate hoodies.)

big glasses, especially fake ones.

peacock feathers. (this was cool at first. but it's overdone now.)

faux Native American anything.

neon.

cut-off sleeves. (stop it.)

cigarettes and PBR. (every hipsters got em! You should too!)

Price Yeah!

Currently:

In Design class making a praying mantis on Illustrator

Listening to Grizzly Bear: Veckatimest

Exhausted! from little sleep and a fantastic night of dancing at Golden Lion with John.

Starving! because Lauren and I have no food (or money). surviving on tangerines.

Oddly enough, my next Methods and Concepts class project calls for a dream. The professor asked us to use one sentence describing the dream and look up the first page of images for each word on google search.

"A black man in suspenders tells me I'm thoughtfully disturbed."

Then we use that collection of [10] images and mesh them together to form a new figure. Much like the work of Ryan McGinness. I was proud to say that I knew of him before the class. Had a showing at the Cincinnati Art Museum last fall.

I don't know how I'm going to finish art school. It's not that I don't have the motivation to produce art. I just have an issue with the art I'm being asked to produce. I have a problem with my art history professor's ignorance. I'm doing better in my required English and Philosophy through Movies courses. I feel restrained and exhausted because of it. I wish I could explore this on my own but I am not proud enough deny that I need some sort of guidance.

Aside from this frustration this is becoming the best year of my life. I have never been this happy with every facet of my life.

DON'T LET IT END.

Half a Canyon

Currently:

Listening to Best of Regina Mix made for John who as fallen asleep next to me.

My neighbor Adam told me his greatest regret from college was not doing more of what he wanted to do. I think I wasted most of my first year living a life I didn't want to live. Of course, it was secure and that's what drives much of our actions, I believe. Yet, my uncle says that people will always do what they want whether they know it or not. I'm not sure if that is completely true. I know it's true for many when it comes to asking for advice. I think people ask for assurance and when they don't hear what they want they disregard it. I want to stop doing that. I want to take into account the advice I ask for especially when it doesn't match what I was hoping for. Had I listened to my friend's and mother's advice early on when it came to past relationships I could have skipped a lot of stress and frustration. However, had I never experienced those relationships I'd never be who I am now.

I had an odd dream the other night.

I started school at OU. All the buildings were far apart so the walks were long but set in a permanent fall sunset which was far more enjoyable rather than annoying. All of my friends from Loveland were enrolled too and at first everything seemed alright. I began to wander around on my own though and found myself in an empty building. I explored the vacant rooms until I came across one with a skinny, white Irish man in it. He was sarcastic about everything. he seemed annoyed that I could understand his accent as this was how he liked to fuck with people most of the time. I told him I was used to it because of my father's drunken Irish banter. He said, "You're an odd cookie." He smirked and then walked towards the door never taking his eyes off of me. He exited and told me to follow. I hesitated but he was the most interesting person I had met thus far so I did as he asked. Around the corner I ran into the chest of a muscular stern black man with glasses and suspenders.

"Cassandra," his voice was so low! "What am I going to do with you?"

"I don't...know? I don't even know you!"

"Oh, you will. You and I are going to become very close whether you like it or not."

"Ooooh Kaaay buddy, I think I'll head out now. Class is about to begin and I've already missed breakfast."

"Ah, no. Come with me. In to my office."

"I'd ask where your office is but I'm not coming so I won't bother."

"If you don't come willingly you will be forced to, so don't make it harder than it has to be."

"What? You can't make me do anything I don't want to do."

"Jasper!"

In comes the Irish guy, throws me over his shoulder and takes me to a HUGE open room: high ceilings, wide windows, and a single desk and chair in the center. The black man is already there, waiting.

"Cassandra," he begins again, "You are among the thoughtfully disturbed. We won't tolerate this behavior. It must change. Don't worry. There are many like you can we can help. Just let us in."

"ah...what did you say? "thoughtfully disturbed?" Oh brother. Listen, I won't go wandering on my own again into forbidden parts of campus if that's what this is about."

"Cassandra, this would have happened no matter what. No matter where you wandered. We always find you because you always come. The thoughtfully disturbed cannot resist curiosity."

"We'll 'ake good caer ov ya dumplin'!" exclaims Jasper.

I giggle.

"Alright. Let's say i play along. What happens?"

I am transported to a very open, beautiful orange room. The bed is orange. The curtains are orange. The rug, the walls, the desk and chair. Then I notice the HUGE orange bookcase. My own fucking library! I walk over and an orange note suddenly appears in front of my face before I can reach for a book. It reads:

Cassandra,

You no longer need to attend class. A mind like yours needs to be fed its own desires. It requires more complex stimulation. Please use the library provided. Read as much as you like, whenever you like, whatever you like and request more using the applications in the box on your desk. We hope this will help in your recovery.

Sincerely,

Dr. B and Jasper

So, I do what they tell me to. I read. I read and drink my endless supply of juiceboxes.

Eventually I am allowed a night out. I am introduced to the other "thoughtfully disturbed." This group includes Lauren, Jake, Henry, John, and Adam. We embrace each other. We decide we like being thoughtfully disturbed and would never want to be any other way. We are all in love with each other. We discuss what we've been reading and play "stimulating" games and dance.

Later I am allowed another night pass. I decide to visit my old Loveland friends. At the party I am bored. i attempt to start conversations about the books I've been reading but they are disinterested. I try to start a dance party but they look at me like I'm a lunatic. I introduce games but they call all of them stupid ideas. Nothing feels right. The thoughtfully disturbed show up and take me away.

I am crying and being held by Lauren and John as we walk back to the mysterious building and my orange room.

"We can't go back, Cass. They'll never accept us now."

I wake up.

  

Just the Same but Brand New

Currently:

Studying for Art History

Reading Hi Fructose Magazine

Hungry.

Anticipating the Andrew Bird/St. Vincent concert tonight

I have discovered it.

http://www.wwoofusa.org/

This is what I want to do when I finish art school.

conclusion.

Hometown Fantasy

I would just like to recount my evening with John last night:

I was baking cookies when he knocked. I let him in. He apologized for going to the bar with Adam (my good friend next door) before coming over after work like he said he would.

I said, "First off, no where in our conversation did it say you must immediately come to me after work. So don't worry about that. In fact, I'm glad you went and had some good Adam time because he's been needing it lately."

"Ok, good. I'll stop apologizing so much."

"I told Kate today that I love that you don't call me everyday or tell what you're doing every second or have to know what I'm doing every second."

"Well, we have separate lives. It's a partnership, not an interdependency."

I swoon. I kissed him.

Afterwards we laid around on the floor cushions with my iTunes on shuffle.

He said, "It's really awesome just listening to what comes up on your iTunes. You listen to such great music. Music I haven't even heard of! That never happens. You're a pretty hip lady."

I kiss him.

We put on our shoes, take half the cookies to Adam's, then venture out into the rainy, wet streets of Clifton. I told him I had a surprise. We walked to the park on Ohio street that overlooks the city. He had been there before but NOT to the Clifton cliff. Unfortunately, those rat bastard police put a huge NO TRESPASSING sign over the hole in the fence. So we hopped it. Me in a skirt too, how lady like. When he saw it, he responded to it them same way I did when Jake took me to it the night I left JR.

"oh wow! This must be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen!"

We sat down on my scarf which was futile. We ended up on our backs kissing in the mud, rain pouring on us. The entire city as a backdrop. Cold and wet. We enjoyed the fuck out of it.

Eventually we were both shivering uncontrollably and decided to walk back. We huddled close under the umbrella to keep ourselves warm. On the way some Frat was giving out free pancakes. We each had a couple and moved on.

When we got back we peeled off all of our wet clothing. Both of us drenched. We snuggled into bed and fell asleep in each other's arms.

oh boy, I am one HOPELESS romantic.

When Girls Get Together or She Believes in Love Again

Currently:

In TUC (main building on campus) passing time before Phil Thru Movies Class

Reading The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

Listening to CocoRosie

Contemplating Utilitarianism

I have been procrastinating at an unacceptable rate these days. Living with Lauren is fantastic but I spend a lot of time sprawled out on our array of floor cushions ranting and bantering. I also smoke much more weed. Instead of doing my short blog entries for English I end up watching the tree outside our living room window (recently stripped to an anorexic size by the bastards of Gaslight Properties) sway in the wind and sunshine while I listen to Tears for Fears or...Tracy Chapman. I get distracted rather easily and when I finally do hunker down in a circle of books I find it unbearably difficult to focus. WHAT is WRONG with me?

John and I have also become "facebook official." I think what I like about him most is that he DOESN'T call me everyday. While we have become attached at a rapid pace we do not act on the attachment. We are taking it slow and I love it. It feels natural and what's even more cliche: it feels special. I have never had such a strong personal chemistry with another person.

Am I revealing too much?

Jake and Henry have become very close too. They visit a few times a week and I go to them when I've got an issue. I haven't had friends like this in a while, except for Kate. I think last year I relied solely on Kate and JR, which turned unfortunate. Kate can't always answer the phone and JR started using my dependency against me. I needed someone within a 30 mile radius who I had no sexual tension towards. 

Lauren and I have received nicknames: Elaine and Scooter. Her close friend from Montana, Curt, visited last night and by the time we all crashed Elaine and Scooter had been born. Scooter is a frail man with a thick mustache and sideburns, often sporting a trucker hat. He is romantically in love with Elaine but sexually lusts after Jake and Henry. 

Curt also suggested I hit the road west with Lauren this upcoming summer. Funny, a few weeks into the quarter and I'm already considering summer. I think it is a grand idea. Leaving the city and being a simpleton in middle of nowhere, beautiful Montana? Absolutely. Where can I sign up?

ah well. Enough about me. How are you?